How often do we really analyze our days? I have been falling asleep on my bed with my specs on these days, and it has been so for the past 10 days or so. I have negligible specs power but I prefer wearing them when I am at the screen or watching TV. So every night I switch on the TV and before I know it, I am asleep. I get made fun of a lot saying that I wear specs so that I can dream clearly, ha! But that is not the point. There have been days when I have been laying in my bed, eyes wide open (sans the specs) and analyzing what I did all day. I never slept well back then.
The good part about not analyzing my situation and living in the moment is that I have only been concentrating on what is on my mind at that moment. Sure, some things/people like Career, Ryan, and The Brit keep popping into my mind every now and then but most of that is due to a sense of curiosity as well as an inquisition. Other things such as my health are constantly on my mind. I spoke about being oblivious to problems a couple of days ago, and let's just say that some pretty shitty things are going on in my line of work in our country, and it could be a possible threat to everyone who is unemployed. It's kind of a serious issue, but I am still sporting a happy and chilled out face, and I really am!
So even when I am all smiles and happy and bubbly, I am still a little confused inside, but I guess I am choosing to smile more than frown. I am making a choice not to break down in public anymore on something as lame as an Usher song. I am making a conscious effort in keeping a positive lookout and that something great is in store for me which is why I still have not had my day of glory in the hot sun. I am slowly getting out of the stage of vulnerability and not letting people walk over me. I am learning to say no.
I look back at these blog posts, right from where I began, and I see that I have come a long way mentally. This has been a great outlet to let it all out and organize and prioritize and all of you have been super helpful and supportive. It feels like I hardly know the girl I was 5 months ago, who was confined to herself and threw on a plastic smile effortlessly. I never felt bad or remorseful about cutting people out of my life before but I have been warming up to people and just the sheer amount of love and respect that goes on around here is commendable. I am a member of 20SB but not a very active one, still I can totally see how an online community has managed to bind us all together into this beautiful bond where people just "get" each other.
Does it have something to do with the fact that I have never met any of you? Most likely. But I am very sure that if I did meet any of you and I know I will, it would be the least awkward, unless I meet Sarah from Was that Awkward? in which case it would be awkward in a good way coz she is a really fun and super intelligent girl. You guys should totally check out her blog and I promise you that you would not leave without a smile on your faces :) or maybe a hearty laugh :P
So after this super confused rant I just wanna thank each one of you, who comments on my blog everyday and even though this was not intended to be a comment oriented blog I must tell you guys that you completely make my day with all that love. It keeps me happy all day long :) I thought of having an award ceremony, but then I thought that there was nothing that I could fit in this whole bunch of love and understanding that you guys give me from the other end of the world. So all I can give you guys is Love :)
I did end up making something like an award with my limited skills for you guys :) You don't have to put it on your blog if you don't want to! But yeah, this is for all that support and love you guys have given me, and this is an award for every single one of you, who reads me everyday, whether you comment or not. Fool, Stacey, Chris, Lindsey, Alexandra, Lorraine,Harley, Purple, Ryan, Christopher, Agentblue24, Bella... Especially to you guys! Did I leave anyone out? I don't think so, but if I did then please forgive me!
Love,
Apfel
x
The good part about not analyzing my situation and living in the moment is that I have only been concentrating on what is on my mind at that moment. Sure, some things/people like Career, Ryan, and The Brit keep popping into my mind every now and then but most of that is due to a sense of curiosity as well as an inquisition. Other things such as my health are constantly on my mind. I spoke about being oblivious to problems a couple of days ago, and let's just say that some pretty shitty things are going on in my line of work in our country, and it could be a possible threat to everyone who is unemployed. It's kind of a serious issue, but I am still sporting a happy and chilled out face, and I really am!
So even when I am all smiles and happy and bubbly, I am still a little confused inside, but I guess I am choosing to smile more than frown. I am making a choice not to break down in public anymore on something as lame as an Usher song. I am making a conscious effort in keeping a positive lookout and that something great is in store for me which is why I still have not had my day of glory in the hot sun. I am slowly getting out of the stage of vulnerability and not letting people walk over me. I am learning to say no.
I look back at these blog posts, right from where I began, and I see that I have come a long way mentally. This has been a great outlet to let it all out and organize and prioritize and all of you have been super helpful and supportive. It feels like I hardly know the girl I was 5 months ago, who was confined to herself and threw on a plastic smile effortlessly. I never felt bad or remorseful about cutting people out of my life before but I have been warming up to people and just the sheer amount of love and respect that goes on around here is commendable. I am a member of 20SB but not a very active one, still I can totally see how an online community has managed to bind us all together into this beautiful bond where people just "get" each other.
Does it have something to do with the fact that I have never met any of you? Most likely. But I am very sure that if I did meet any of you and I know I will, it would be the least awkward, unless I meet Sarah from Was that Awkward? in which case it would be awkward in a good way coz she is a really fun and super intelligent girl. You guys should totally check out her blog and I promise you that you would not leave without a smile on your faces :) or maybe a hearty laugh :P
So after this super confused rant I just wanna thank each one of you, who comments on my blog everyday and even though this was not intended to be a comment oriented blog I must tell you guys that you completely make my day with all that love. It keeps me happy all day long :) I thought of having an award ceremony, but then I thought that there was nothing that I could fit in this whole bunch of love and understanding that you guys give me from the other end of the world. So all I can give you guys is Love :)
 |
| Haha I know it's Amateurish! But well you do not have to pass it on and you do not have to tell me anything about yourself to receive this award :P |
I did end up making something like an award with my limited skills for you guys :) You don't have to put it on your blog if you don't want to! But yeah, this is for all that support and love you guys have given me, and this is an award for every single one of you, who reads me everyday, whether you comment or not. Fool, Stacey, Chris, Lindsey, Alexandra, Lorraine,Harley, Purple, Ryan, Christopher, Agentblue24, Bella... Especially to you guys! Did I leave anyone out? I don't think so, but if I did then please forgive me!
Love,
Apfel
x
22 comments:
You are such a sweetheart, thank you for the award! I'm glad this blog has been therapeutic for you. It's always interesting to look back and read what we thought was super important at the time. It usually isn't in hindsight.
<3
Yeah! I am so glad that it has been helping me out so far :) You're a sweetheart too! Hope you liked my picnick skills :P <3 <3
Oh hey, did I ever mention I love you?
I LOVE YOU! ♥
I love you too, darling! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Public Display of Affection rocks! :P
This post didn't come up in my Google reader for some reason!!! Stacey had to point it out to me but I'm so glad she did! Thanks for the shout out, glad you are enjoying reading about my awkward life hahaha
Thank you Sarah :) I love reading your blog! But yeah I hope nothing embarrassing happens to you as well :P Never at that expense! I love how you write :)
:( I can't post the award, or the buttons from another blog due to some glitch. But when it's fixed, I will! (Of course, I'm waiting on google, and it might be a cold day in...) Thanks for sharing the love!
Oh that is such a nice thing to do.
Thank you also for commenting on my blog. Looking forward to reading more of your natural, exciting voice.
Nahno ∗ McLein ™
Glad you liked it Li :) It's the love that matters :D
Nahno :)
Thank you :)
Awww, darling! Thanks for the shout-out. This is such a wonderfully sweet post. You're such an awesome person. Sending you love and luck! *Hugs*
P.S. Your award is super duper cute. Love the font and all the little symbols. I'm going to find a place to put it on my page. Thanks. :)
Bella :)
*Hugs* Yeah all those small symbols mean things for me and the journey that I have been on along with you guys :) A little bit of everything!
Oh!! Thank you!! I kind of want to print it out and put it on my wall.
I hope you stop falling asleep in your specs - you wake up with a sore nose and sore ears and all sorts. I know because I do it too!
x
Yay! Glad you liked it Harley :) Oh yeah, I really need to stop sleeping with my specs on :|
Thank you so much for your love, Apfel. In this post (I will so put the button on my blog!) and in general :)
I can tell that you've come a long way, it's very clear to see it in your posts and how you express yourself. What is more important is that you see it, too!
I think you and I started blogging at about the same time, and your energy, support, and positive thinking were just contagious from the start. Not to mention what I needed at the time, and still do.
Much luv,
Chris
I am so glad that you can also see the difference :) Yeah, we started blogging at about the same time and that is why your support has been very very helpful in making me feel better. Love and more love :)
I know I don't comment much but it's because I've fallen behind on my reading so instead of trying to catch up I get overwhelmed and give up most days. Yeah. Anyway, I sleep in my contacts which I know is terrible but I don't fall asleep in my glasses which would be bad for them. Because obviously my glasses are more important than the health of my eyes.
Awww thank you! I've never won an award that someone actually made! So I'm especially honored.
Also, I hate falling asleep with glasses on. Because I always knock them off and they end up god knows where and I have to search for them half-blind in the morning.
Lauren,
Since you put it that way, I will make it a point to sleep without my glasses on, because yes, they are more important than the health of my eyes too :D
Christopher :)
You're welcome!! I am so glad you like it :) Thankfully I have never encountered that glasses situation, I comfortably sleep with them ha!
I am just now getting a chance to see this! Thank you so much Apfel :) It has been such a pleasure getting to know you in bloggyland! I am lucky to have found you and your great blog, and to have you as a great reader and supporter of mine. You rock, and thanks to you, I have a big smile on my face now :)
I am so glad Lindsey :) You deserve all the love! You make me smile every single day :)
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