Good news, I ended up studying for 4 long hours last evening, lol.
Well, there is just so much to tell that I have been confused with what to write about first. I thought I'll just begin with a quick (?) flashback of my time and the people involved.
I was raised in a very strict atmosphere where I was supposed to only listen, and never ask counter questions. At the same time, I was allowed to wear what I wanted, and play with boys all the time, since there were no girls of my age group where we lived. So I ended up playing a lot of Cricket and Football, and turned into quite the Tomboy/Bully. This was why I was always the class leader during my junior school, where I used to boss people around and I was that kid who always sucked up to the teacher, scored well, good in arts, but hated by most.
As I went to high school, I had my own issues coz I started "growing up" and all I had with me was stupid guy friends coz' for their age they were not quite well informed of puberty. All we did was laugh our asses off in the Sex Ed classes and the girls felt embarrassed (I was making fun of them with the guys, for which I later got the tag of "stickass"). I had my first crush in 7th grade where I majorly struggled with myself into accepting that I was actually attracted to someone. I still remember that feeling, it was lame coz' the only reason I had a crush on him was that, everyone else had a crush on him. Eventually one of the bitches in the class got to know about it and it spread like wildfire, and there my crush was over. I had my first real crush when I was almost completing 9th grade. My then bff spoke to the guy on my behalf, and he turned me down on my face coz' I was more like a buddy to him. Who would wanna go for a haphazardly dressed girl, in khakis and sweatshirt, slightly plump and like a strange crossover who looked like a fat dude with long pigtails from a distance anyway? :P
I remember I was sooo heartbroken, and in tears, and my BFF back then told me that, it did not work out just for one reason, it's coz' you deserve someone better... and man was she right, coz' I use those words to motivate myself till date. And also coz' I ended up dating a really hot-looking guy who was my first boyfriend, lets call him "Dumbo"(coz' the only thing hot about him other than his anger issues were his looks, which highly surpassed the anger issue). That's when I started turning into a proper girl.
I was with Dumbo for 4 years, and it was like teenage love, we spoke over the phone all day (and all night). He looked so handsome, I was the girl with the best looking guy around and everyone was jealous of me (blushes). But it was not as perfect as it sounds. In the 4 years that we were together, we barely met 15 times, out of which 10 were in the last year of our relationship. Dumbo had a problem, he could not face girls, the first time we went out he started shivering and had a black out. I was scared as hell haha.. He touched me for the first time 2 years into the relationship and we had our first kiss 5 months before we broke up. Due to his general absence, I used to cheat on him (a lot). My first proper kiss was in fact with a random guy who was 24 when I was 15. I don't regret it coz' it was a good kiss. Besides Dumbo had MAJOR anger issues, which I was his prey for... He would bash me for anything and everything that went wrong in his life. During the week I used to be in college, and did not talk to him a lot, but everyone knew on Monday Mornings what happened over the weekend when I went for the early morning classes with Red, Swollen eyes.
The main reason behind our break up was that he was very insecure with my career choice. I chose a career path which is mainly male dominated, and involves a lot of "staying out", so he used to interrogate me a lot, even when it was not needed. When I was growing up, the whole idea behind getting into a relationship was that eventually you had to get married to each other. There was no dating concept. No first, second, third dates. You say I love you (even when you really don't coz' obviously you have not even spent enough time with this person), and if the opposite accepts, that's it. They will call your parents their in-laws and vice versa. Religion, castes, the issues with arranged marriages, could all be discussed later. So Dumbo's mom had already accepted me as their future daughter in law, and was on very good terms with me considering that I handled her sons' random anger outbursts very well. That was not enough, coz' when I left India for pursuing my higher studies, I used to live in an apartment full of guys, I was the only girl there. He would keep viewing me on the webcam all day and even if a guy was visible in the distant background, I had to answer so many questions. He ended up suffocating me so bad, I called it off.
I have a tendency to not remain single, and it started since I was 14, I have never been single at a given point of time for more than 3 months. But after Dumbo, it only took me a week to start going out with my second boyfriend, Justin. I guess this post is too long by now, so I will continue with my Justin story and also how I met Ryan, in the next post.
Love you guys,
xo
Apfel
P.S. Complaints on how awfully long this post is, will be expected and accepted ;)
Well, there is just so much to tell that I have been confused with what to write about first. I thought I'll just begin with a quick (?) flashback of my time and the people involved.
I was raised in a very strict atmosphere where I was supposed to only listen, and never ask counter questions. At the same time, I was allowed to wear what I wanted, and play with boys all the time, since there were no girls of my age group where we lived. So I ended up playing a lot of Cricket and Football, and turned into quite the Tomboy/Bully. This was why I was always the class leader during my junior school, where I used to boss people around and I was that kid who always sucked up to the teacher, scored well, good in arts, but hated by most.
As I went to high school, I had my own issues coz I started "growing up" and all I had with me was stupid guy friends coz' for their age they were not quite well informed of puberty. All we did was laugh our asses off in the Sex Ed classes and the girls felt embarrassed (I was making fun of them with the guys, for which I later got the tag of "stickass"). I had my first crush in 7th grade where I majorly struggled with myself into accepting that I was actually attracted to someone. I still remember that feeling, it was lame coz' the only reason I had a crush on him was that, everyone else had a crush on him. Eventually one of the bitches in the class got to know about it and it spread like wildfire, and there my crush was over. I had my first real crush when I was almost completing 9th grade. My then bff spoke to the guy on my behalf, and he turned me down on my face coz' I was more like a buddy to him. Who would wanna go for a haphazardly dressed girl, in khakis and sweatshirt, slightly plump and like a strange crossover who looked like a fat dude with long pigtails from a distance anyway? :P
I remember I was sooo heartbroken, and in tears, and my BFF back then told me that, it did not work out just for one reason, it's coz' you deserve someone better... and man was she right, coz' I use those words to motivate myself till date. And also coz' I ended up dating a really hot-looking guy who was my first boyfriend, lets call him "Dumbo"(coz' the only thing hot about him other than his anger issues were his looks, which highly surpassed the anger issue). That's when I started turning into a proper girl.
I was with Dumbo for 4 years, and it was like teenage love, we spoke over the phone all day (and all night). He looked so handsome, I was the girl with the best looking guy around and everyone was jealous of me (blushes). But it was not as perfect as it sounds. In the 4 years that we were together, we barely met 15 times, out of which 10 were in the last year of our relationship. Dumbo had a problem, he could not face girls, the first time we went out he started shivering and had a black out. I was scared as hell haha.. He touched me for the first time 2 years into the relationship and we had our first kiss 5 months before we broke up. Due to his general absence, I used to cheat on him (a lot). My first proper kiss was in fact with a random guy who was 24 when I was 15. I don't regret it coz' it was a good kiss. Besides Dumbo had MAJOR anger issues, which I was his prey for... He would bash me for anything and everything that went wrong in his life. During the week I used to be in college, and did not talk to him a lot, but everyone knew on Monday Mornings what happened over the weekend when I went for the early morning classes with Red, Swollen eyes.
The main reason behind our break up was that he was very insecure with my career choice. I chose a career path which is mainly male dominated, and involves a lot of "staying out", so he used to interrogate me a lot, even when it was not needed. When I was growing up, the whole idea behind getting into a relationship was that eventually you had to get married to each other. There was no dating concept. No first, second, third dates. You say I love you (even when you really don't coz' obviously you have not even spent enough time with this person), and if the opposite accepts, that's it. They will call your parents their in-laws and vice versa. Religion, castes, the issues with arranged marriages, could all be discussed later. So Dumbo's mom had already accepted me as their future daughter in law, and was on very good terms with me considering that I handled her sons' random anger outbursts very well. That was not enough, coz' when I left India for pursuing my higher studies, I used to live in an apartment full of guys, I was the only girl there. He would keep viewing me on the webcam all day and even if a guy was visible in the distant background, I had to answer so many questions. He ended up suffocating me so bad, I called it off.
I have a tendency to not remain single, and it started since I was 14, I have never been single at a given point of time for more than 3 months. But after Dumbo, it only took me a week to start going out with my second boyfriend, Justin. I guess this post is too long by now, so I will continue with my Justin story and also how I met Ryan, in the next post.
Love you guys,
xo
Apfel
P.S. Complaints on how awfully long this post is, will be expected and accepted ;)
6 comments:
I like your tomboy background.
The story with Dumbo sounds complicated... what do you think made you stay in the relationship for so long? Was it the social/family pressure or sth else?
Actually since it was my first relationship, and also coz he was hot :P I also thought that I had to give it everything I had got in me, to make it work no matter what. (Most of the Indian Arranged Marriage Housewives do that. Get beaten up by husbands but do not even say ouch.) It was also the first sign of affection I got from the opposite sex so I did not wanna let him go!
I'm the same way! Never single. Until now. Now the fun begins!
From one tomboy to another :) glad you got out of the relationship. It'll be a good meter for how other relationships should not be.
Janey, I am sure you know how difficult it make single life for us!!
Stacey, I am so glad I got out of it! You're right, it did make a good meter of how I did not want my following relationships to be. But the meter has to be replaced after every break up ;) Not that I'm complaining!!
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