I'm a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat!

Yesterday's post was something that made me feel so much lighter once I had it all out of my system, I did not realize that it had been bothering me somewhere deep down inside. Sometimes things we least expect to bother us, can really pile on to our conscience and make us feel like one more ounce of heaviness will just give us a heart failure or something like that. So now that I am feeling lighter I am able to focus better too.

I have been experiencing some tension in the past couple of days because of this exam on the coming Sunday. Well, for starters I have a huge load of portion to cover up, but I am not tensed about it. In fact I sleep a lot these days, and that makes me tensed. I should be digging my head into books! The good part is that when I do open my books I remember stuff, it's not like I have forgotten everything. Besides there are 4,000 people appearing for 50 vacancies, and considering that there are 5 stages in the recruitment process, I'm thinking they should short list at least 200 people in the first (and the hardest) round? In that case, I have to be better than 20 people. I think I can beat 20 guys, no biggie! But I don't wanna be overconfident either. Luck is quite the bitch. Nerves do get the best off me. 5 back to back papers on the same day, and mental exhaustion does play an important role. I hope I can keep myself together through those grueling 6 hours. I really, really want this job. But somehow I am feeling that I am not putting in extra efforts, then I remember last time when I basically went insane studying and cracked at the last moment. Then I feel better that I am calmer this time around. Strange mix. But strange is me. So that explains a lot too.

I am a strange person like I mentioned above. I am mostly confused at any given moment. On the other hand I am super focused when there is anything that is not related to my personal life. I am good at analyzing situations and being positive. I might be one of the most patient people you've come across, so much so that I have a tendency to overbear things and people. I hardly complain. But I complain here everyday on my blog, but then that is what is the purpose of this blog too, to let it out, to vent everything. No matter how upset or sad I am, you will always see me smiling ear to ear as if every thing is perfect in my life. I hardly let people into my life, but when I do, I make sure I stay, for a good long time. I think I am a pretty good person based on the argument I just had with myself. So what do I hope to change about myself? Nothing. Maybe take my health a bit more seriously. But that is it. Other than that, nothing.

Today I say Goodbye to the flower which I got from Ujwala day before yesterday. I had kept in the water, but now that it's losing it's life... It will still stay in my book shelf, and maybe stain my book a beautiful hue of Red when I open it next year... I had to click some pictures with it because it is simply too beautiful not to...

Be happy and celebrate, cause today is the first day of the rest of your lives :)
Love,
Apfel
xo

P.S. I do not wanna do my final 30 day post!!! I am so not ready for this to end :( Haha remember when I talked about being less susceptible to change... I find my comfort zone, and now this has to end :P