I am actually not feeling very sad about not making it through the papers. Who am I kidding, I do feel sad. But I am not devastated. What I feel devastated about is that I will have to go through another long wait before I am faced by an opportunity that I can grab. I honestly do not know why I did not make it. Coz as far as I am concerned, I did pretty well. Maybe the other people did better? It sucks when there is a percentile system too. If there was a proper cut off, I am pretty sure I'd have made it through. It's quite difficult to judge when they di not disclose our marks and there are 4000 people competing for 30 seats.
To make myself feel better I think that none of my friends have made it through and I should not beat myself up about it. The paper was very difficult. But on the other hand I feel upset that this was not the plan. Maybe it is a part of some other plan, but definitely not what I had in mind. I am 23 going on 24 and still unemployed, and it sucks not to be able to do anything for a living at my age. I could have taken up a part time job but it only gets too hectic coz I have to keep studying as well as take care of home while parents go out to work. It's the least I can do to make myself feel fruitful and make myself feel that I am doing something in return for them taking care of me.
My parents have been trying to have the marriage talk with me. They have been waiting for me to start working so they could start looking for a man to get me married off to. Am I going to listen to that? No. They know that too. But we cannot have this talk openly till I am self sufficient and can express myself freely in front of them. I feel so detached and despite all the improvement I have been showing since 2011 started, I am starting to feel that everything is spiraling down once again.
I am a positive person like that and I try to keep my hopes up, and I know that eventually I will land a good job, but this wait is really getting to me. It has been almost 3 years since I have completed my flight training, and this year I would also be completing my distance graduation program. I was so upset that I emailed this flight school in Canada for some more flight training so I could at least start working as a flight instructor if nothing works out. It would give me a good chance to get out of the country too. It's just a thought though. Let us see where that goes.
My trip to New Delhi got postponed to next week and although my health has been better, I am not feeling too good these days. As of now, I am doing bad in all departments. Love, Luck, Career, Health, Wealth. You name it and I suck at it. It's quite hard to be positive in such a situation!
Someone once said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I have never needed friends. I repel people and I prefer staying alone. But some friends have proven the meaning of this phrase by being there for me and making me talk even when I thought I wouldn't need them and would do just fine. I will still be just fine. But they do make it easy on me and I can still keep the smile on. Also parents, I don't even need to say anything coz they just know. Thankful for all of them :)
Hope everyone is having a better time than I am :)
Love,
Apfel
xo
To make myself feel better I think that none of my friends have made it through and I should not beat myself up about it. The paper was very difficult. But on the other hand I feel upset that this was not the plan. Maybe it is a part of some other plan, but definitely not what I had in mind. I am 23 going on 24 and still unemployed, and it sucks not to be able to do anything for a living at my age. I could have taken up a part time job but it only gets too hectic coz I have to keep studying as well as take care of home while parents go out to work. It's the least I can do to make myself feel fruitful and make myself feel that I am doing something in return for them taking care of me.
My parents have been trying to have the marriage talk with me. They have been waiting for me to start working so they could start looking for a man to get me married off to. Am I going to listen to that? No. They know that too. But we cannot have this talk openly till I am self sufficient and can express myself freely in front of them. I feel so detached and despite all the improvement I have been showing since 2011 started, I am starting to feel that everything is spiraling down once again.
I am a positive person like that and I try to keep my hopes up, and I know that eventually I will land a good job, but this wait is really getting to me. It has been almost 3 years since I have completed my flight training, and this year I would also be completing my distance graduation program. I was so upset that I emailed this flight school in Canada for some more flight training so I could at least start working as a flight instructor if nothing works out. It would give me a good chance to get out of the country too. It's just a thought though. Let us see where that goes.
My trip to New Delhi got postponed to next week and although my health has been better, I am not feeling too good these days. As of now, I am doing bad in all departments. Love, Luck, Career, Health, Wealth. You name it and I suck at it. It's quite hard to be positive in such a situation!
Someone once said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. I have never needed friends. I repel people and I prefer staying alone. But some friends have proven the meaning of this phrase by being there for me and making me talk even when I thought I wouldn't need them and would do just fine. I will still be just fine. But they do make it easy on me and I can still keep the smile on. Also parents, I don't even need to say anything coz they just know. Thankful for all of them :)
Hope everyone is having a better time than I am :)
Love,
Apfel
xo
10 comments:
the thing about life is it is frustrating. You roll the dice but you can never know which way they are going to land. In some ways that is a good thing, but in others not so much.
But you are young, so hold onto life and take it one day at a time. Unfortunately things can't be perfect all the time.
Babe, don't let this one thing ruin all of the emotional progress you've very visibly made the past few months. You're still amazing. Learn whatever you're supposed to learn from this, and keep on pressing on.
Love you so much. ♥
Penny Lane,
I am trying my best! It just gets frustrating seeing everyone else move ahead of me when I should have been ahead of them long ago :( I'm trying to be strong...
Stacey,
I love you too ♥ I will try and make the best out of this time I have on my hands before the next recruitment... :)
You've got a lot of good company-- we're all in the same boat right now. Things stink but keep your chin up and stay determined. We're all rooting for you :)
That makes me feel so much better Alexandra :) You're the sweetest!! Thanks for that message, you made my day :)
Same boat. I'm 23 going on 24, and I feel stuck. Haven't really accomplished what I had hoped for.
One good thing is I've stopped comparing myself to others and where they are at in their lives. Remember, we're on the outside looking in. Sometimes you see someone and think "Wow. They look so happy and content" but appearances can be deceiving. All we see is physical markers of where their life is at. Everyone has a different trajectory and a different timeline. Seeing that you're incredibly bright and gifted, I'm sure you have something great coming your way. Don't worry about it too much.
I find the Serenity Prayer helpful in times like these: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." We can't control what life throws at us, but we can control how we react to it.
I echo everyone else in saying that I'm rooting for you! :)
You, my darling, never ever fail to make me smile :) That was so comforting. The prayer is beautiful :) Hope we all get great things soon!
I know what you mean by "this was not part of the plan". One can't help wander about these things, and who holds the strings of our destiny. Despite everything you may be feeling, positivity still comes through in your blog, and that's a great thing! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the Canada thing.
Me too Chris! I have my fingers crossed... And trying to keep it positive :)
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