I find it very difficult to find my comfort zone. Be it anywhere.. With people, with life, with habits, anything at all. When I do find my comfort zone, it is even more difficult for me to get out of it. Change, is very hard to embrace. Which is why I have been in crappy relationships because I did not want to step out of my comfort zone with my either of my ex, and had I stepped out quicker, things would have been so different. This is not only related to my relationships. I have a top that is like 10 years old and I still sometimes wear it. Thankfully I wore loose clothing before, lol. I would stick to eat the same kind of Subway most of the times, just because I am comfortable with it. The same toppings all the time, and I never seem to get bored of it either. I have been making a conscious effort though, like the week before last I went out with Joe and we ordered a Sub and I tried on some new toppings. It was nice, but not a welcome change for someone who is used to a routine. I was missing my extra Sweet Onion Sauce! Sigh... Change is hard.
This 30 day challenge was a change for me, and it was hard to embrace but I knew I had to challenge myself along with taking the challenge in itself. And now, I am in my comfort zone and kinda hating it that I have only 5 days to go before it would be over. But yeah I am super thankful that I have discovered A LOT about myself, stuff that I already knew but never knew the intensity of it, when things are in our faces they mean so much more, and so much deeper. I would recommend anyone who is in a state of confusion to take this challenge, not for the heck of it, not because there is nothing to blog about, but to find out more about your inner self. It has really helped me so far.
Speaking of a sensitive issue such as Suicide is very difficult for me. I have been reading a blog these days, of a lady who had her husband fall prey to suicide. And she blogs to let it out. She posts everyday and it only breaks my heart a little more every time I read her and I might even have shed a tear or two over her condition. Now she gets a lot of comments on her blog but well I fall short of words in situations involving death and sickness. I just do not know what to say. Sure, I feel things but they never translate into words for me, and I feel that no words are appropriate and would make any difference to the person we wanna console coz we cannot experience what they go through. She has 2 little babies to take care of, and she is only 29. Reminds me of my Uncle who passed away. Reminds me of sitting in the ambulance with his dead body along with my cousin, while we took it to the airport. I did not cry a single tear. I just cannot. I wont. I think they would not be able to rest in peace if they saw us all crying this way when they left. I would like to quote Lori from her speech at her husband's funeral.
I feel so sensitive towards this issue, and although I have never thought of Suicide as such, I have been through phases where I wish I could put an end to everything, all the misery. I used to wish that I was never born in the first place so there would not have been so much trouble in my life. But I think everyone goes through that brief phase in their teenage while finding themselves, where nothing seems to go right, and every one seems to be against them. Now that I am here, and I am alive, I would rather spend my time making it right, than just give up on everything, coz giving up is not my style, and I am not a wuss. I will keep fighting till the end, and I will never be afraid to speak if anything troubles me. I love my life too much like that.
Also, very important development. #34 is Off The List! Oh yeah :)
5 days to go till the exam! I am getting nervous now!
Lots of Love,
Apfel
xo
This 30 day challenge was a change for me, and it was hard to embrace but I knew I had to challenge myself along with taking the challenge in itself. And now, I am in my comfort zone and kinda hating it that I have only 5 days to go before it would be over. But yeah I am super thankful that I have discovered A LOT about myself, stuff that I already knew but never knew the intensity of it, when things are in our faces they mean so much more, and so much deeper. I would recommend anyone who is in a state of confusion to take this challenge, not for the heck of it, not because there is nothing to blog about, but to find out more about your inner self. It has really helped me so far.
Speaking of a sensitive issue such as Suicide is very difficult for me. I have been reading a blog these days, of a lady who had her husband fall prey to suicide. And she blogs to let it out. She posts everyday and it only breaks my heart a little more every time I read her and I might even have shed a tear or two over her condition. Now she gets a lot of comments on her blog but well I fall short of words in situations involving death and sickness. I just do not know what to say. Sure, I feel things but they never translate into words for me, and I feel that no words are appropriate and would make any difference to the person we wanna console coz we cannot experience what they go through. She has 2 little babies to take care of, and she is only 29. Reminds me of my Uncle who passed away. Reminds me of sitting in the ambulance with his dead body along with my cousin, while we took it to the airport. I did not cry a single tear. I just cannot. I wont. I think they would not be able to rest in peace if they saw us all crying this way when they left. I would like to quote Lori from her speech at her husband's funeral.
Tony took care of everyone. all the time. He was so busy taking care of everyone else, he didn't speak out when something was wrong.
And this is what you can do for me, for Tony, when you leave here today. All you men, you big men. When you walk away from here, you speak. If something is wrong, if something hurts, then you talk about. Tony was so busy taking care of everyone else, he didn't care take of himself. So after this, you speak.
I feel so sensitive towards this issue, and although I have never thought of Suicide as such, I have been through phases where I wish I could put an end to everything, all the misery. I used to wish that I was never born in the first place so there would not have been so much trouble in my life. But I think everyone goes through that brief phase in their teenage while finding themselves, where nothing seems to go right, and every one seems to be against them. Now that I am here, and I am alive, I would rather spend my time making it right, than just give up on everything, coz giving up is not my style, and I am not a wuss. I will keep fighting till the end, and I will never be afraid to speak if anything troubles me. I love my life too much like that.
Also, very important development. #34 is Off The List! Oh yeah :)
5 days to go till the exam! I am getting nervous now!
Lots of Love,
Apfel
xo
4 comments:
I am beyond happy that you were born. ♥♥♥
Stacey,
♥ ♥ ♥ You just make me feel so so special!!! :)
So many people find it impossible to reach out to someone when they are feeling so down. My friend took his own life and no-one ever had any inclination of the way he was feeling inside.
That is really, really sad Ryan... Many times people keep things inside them till the moment it is impossible to contain and then they burst out. Some write blogs, some go to therapists, but some extreme cases... Resort to taking their own lives, and that breaks my heart.
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