I'll just have what she's having!

I just realized that I made it half way through the challenge yesterday, and looking back upon it I can see the journey, and a lot of realization and confrontation with self, and it's almost like going for emotional rejuvenation. I am so glad I took it up. The other challenge that I happened to take up along with the 30 day challenge (the one where I try to lead a healthy lifestyle), has been going alright, but in breaks. That is unacceptable. The next 15 days have to be perfectly done.

I actually read Hope's entry on this one, and she wrote about Jealousy. I thought I had this quality too, but the way she explained it (impeccably), I was able to see clearly that I did not identify with the characteristics. So, I did something which I am not ashamed of doing - Googled it. Yeah, I am completely a Google person, but it is not like I depend on it. I follow the principle - When in doubt, Google it.

So I found this on Wikipedia :

Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.

 Which obviously led on to:

 Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it."

I do not suffer from Jealousy. But Envy? Hell yeah!  The difference, though, is that I never wished that someone would ever lack something just because I don't have it. Yeah, I'll definitely wish secretly that I had what the other had, and life would be so much better if I had that. But never did I ever wish something like 'oh I wish Scarlett Johansson did not have an amazingly hot and almost-makes-me-wanna-turn-gay-for-her ass. Or that she grows out of shape'. Never.

My childhood BFF who gave me the advice that if it did not work with a guy, only meant that I deserved someone better, got married last year, at the age of 23, and I remember her telling me about this plan of hers when we were 14 years old - Of getting married by 23, getting a special graduation degree, but eventually opening up a dance academy, and having the perfect husband, the perfect life. She got it all. Got married by 23, majored in Microbiology, opened a dance academy of her own and won an award for her Salsa dancing skills. The sad part is, I was not even invited for the wedding. The good part is, no other common friend was. We had never expected her to be married so early though, but ye olde facebook shocked us all with the update.

I am honestly and totally happy for her. I always wish the best for her and never even for a split second was I cussing her luck just because I wasn't invited for her wedding. But yeah, the days I viewed the wedding pics and all the honeymoon, anniversary, dance academy, and the Salsa award updates, my heart did sink because I did not have what she had. I did pull myself back together, but then got upset again.

I need to start living without Envy. I can definitely get rid of it. So there!!! That was a hard one to admit :P

Oh and yes, Some one two I could live without - CATS. and also PIGEONS. At least I like Cats from a distance and if they're cute enough, but I cannot stand Pigeons even when they are away from me on the opposite building. I hate those gross creatures!!! Yuck! I can go on and on about them but it would only be heavily abusive.

Love
Apfel
xoxox